Learning About Non-Linearity

 Up until now, I guess I've held within me the belief that if you put more work and effort into something, that you reap the rewards to match. 

  However, recently I have been having experiences which would suggest otherwise. I was recently hired to sign people up for donations for a charity. Whilst working this job, I discovered that I could put in 100% effort, and still not get any sign ups in a day. Other days I could put in 80% effort, and perhaps get one sign up. I was apparently good at the job according to team mates and team leader- putting in the right effort, in the right manner, and not letting it get to me. However, it did get to me. I have always been involved in work that shows the more effort you put in, the greater the results. That job was a huge turning point, and it was hard for me to swallow. What I had previously based my self- esteem upon, and what had bolstered my sense of achievement, was putting in a load of effort, and getting great results from it. I'm an illustrator. Needless to say, if you don't put in the effort of give it 100% of your heart, then your illustration just isn't going to sing in the way you want it to. 

  

  I really struggled with that job- for many other reasons, but another part of me could not understand why I wasn't getting any sign ups, even after a couple of weeks, and my self esteem was just getting lower and lower. What was frustrating me more was that I couldn't see where I needed to improve, or if there was anything I could actually do to improve that would have made any difference. I'm not the pushy kind of person, and if I see that someone doesn't want to donate, then I don't press it on them. I respect their choices, and let them be on their way. 

My point being, things aren't as linear as I once thought. 

This was shown to me again today. A prospective illustration client who wanted me to illustrate their book, and who seemed really positive, pulled out today because my fee was above their budget. I had been completely professional (as expected) and I had made the effort to provide her with in depth details of the process, what I would be doing etc. I had done all I could on my part to provide her with confidence in my work and my professional manner. However, I think that people severely miscalculate just how much they will have to pay for a book to be illustrated. You have to account for just how many hours of work, and ideas generation and effort that goes into each painting. It is a living, not a hobby. I am a professional illustrator, not someone who does it for fun. Although it is fun, and I love it. The prices I quote would most likely equal out to minimum wage, accounting for materials costs as well. I hope that people's attitudes to illustration change. I certainly need them to if I am to make a living from the work that I trained to do, and love. 

Life moves in waves. There are seasons in everything- we experience times of rest and times of increased activity. We have times where chapters in our life need to close so that new ones can begin. There is no formula that I know of that you can use to achieve certain results. It is not linear, it in not rational. It is both exciting and confusing at the same time. Whilst there are limitless possibilities, there is also the ensuing confusion and panic that comes from not knowing the rules of the game. I realised that I had bought into certain mindsets, that more effort = more reward. This is a lie in a lot of cases.