The Polarities

  And I realised that people came into my life this year, often in pairs.

  One was the way forward, and one was a mirror of my current self and state. I realised that often I chose to mingle with the negative side of myself, shown to me by the mirror, the person who embodied my negativity in their relationship to me. It hurt to know that that was what I was doing to myself. To see clearly that I was abusing myself that badly, putting myself down and making myself feel terrible. That person was me on my worst days. And I took the abuse for a while, thinking that I was just being a stick in the mud, and not seeing things objectively from different perspectives. I thought that there were lessons to learn within this interaction if only I could find out what they were. I persevered, I got sad and upset, I got confused and I got down on myself. My creativity started to wane, and I didn’t go to my work as joyfully as before. It seemed like I was being told that ‘you think you have come a long way… but you haven’t. In fact, you’re back at the beginning, or worse, even further back than the beginning.’ But this was not true. I have come a long long way in the past year, and I know that. I feel that within me. It cannot be taken away by anyone. It is internal development. And I know that I can never regress. It is just not possible unless I am sticking my head in the sand, and even then, that is only temporary leave. I know deep down that I cannot keep my head buried for very long at all. It is not possible. Therefore it is not possible for me to regress in that way.

  So what of the person that showed me how I could be if I was the positive me?

I am getting to know them. Finding out what makes them tick, and sharing with them what makes the passion inside me stir. They are showing me how to calm my mind and release the blockades within that I put up so very long ago. And repeatedly rebuilt when they were torn down. They are helping me more than they can know, by showing me ways to deal with things, sharing their short-comings and the obstacles they faced and overcame. I am grateful to have them in my life as a teacher, even if they do not know it. I knew from the feeling that I got around them, the raised vibration within me, that they would be significant. However I realise that it is all my work to do. They can only point out options and directions to me. I must walk my own path.