And I realised that
people came into my life this year, often in pairs.
One was the way
forward, and one was a mirror of my current self and state. I realised that
often I chose to mingle with the negative side of myself, shown to me by the
mirror, the person who embodied my negativity in their relationship to me. It
hurt to know that that was what I was doing to myself. To see clearly that I
was abusing myself that badly, putting myself down and making myself feel
terrible. That person was me on my worst days. And I took the abuse for a
while, thinking that I was just being a stick in the mud, and not seeing things
objectively from different perspectives. I thought that there were lessons to
learn within this interaction if only I could find out what they were. I
persevered, I got sad and upset, I got confused and I got down on myself. My
creativity started to wane, and I didn’t go to my work as joyfully as before.
It seemed like I was being told that ‘you think you have come a long way… but
you haven’t. In fact, you’re back at the beginning, or worse, even further back
than the beginning.’ But this was not true. I have come a long long way in the
past year, and I know that. I feel that within me. It cannot be taken away by
anyone. It is internal development. And I know that I can never regress. It is
just not possible unless I am sticking my head in the sand, and even then, that
is only temporary leave. I know deep down that I cannot keep my head buried for
very long at all. It is not possible. Therefore it is not possible for me to
regress in that way.
So what of the
person that showed me how I could be if I was the positive me?
I am getting to know them. Finding out what makes them tick,
and sharing with them what makes the passion inside me stir. They are showing
me how to calm my mind and release the blockades within that I put up so very
long ago. And repeatedly rebuilt when they were torn down. They are helping me
more than they can know, by showing me ways to deal with things, sharing their
short-comings and the obstacles they faced and overcame. I am grateful to have
them in my life as a teacher, even if they do not know it. I knew from the
feeling that I got around them, the raised vibration within me, that they would
be significant. However I realise that it is all my work to do. They can only
point out options and directions to me. I must walk my own path.
